I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
