You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
