Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize