I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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