Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
