DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Sober January is a disaster.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
