Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
