You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
