Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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