I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize