great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
