I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
