Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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