i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
