so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
