Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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