So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
