Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
