Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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