so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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