Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
