3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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