I look better un-naked...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So vagazzling was a success
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
