i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Dear god my vagina.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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