That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
