Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
