do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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