I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
