Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
