This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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