I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize