even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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