idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
