if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
