i think my tv is drunk
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
