i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize