NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
