I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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