Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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