btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
