Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
