So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I woke up under a house in Key West
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