The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
