Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
