Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
