so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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