His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
