I got chris browned last night
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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