5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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