eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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