Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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