if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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