Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
