It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
