I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
