sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
