You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize