You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
