Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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