eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize