I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
