I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
