"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
