Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
