fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
