just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
