is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
