i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
