Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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