Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
