Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize