No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
